Trust Me. It's Not You, It's Me ...

It's great blaming everyone else for the problems in life isn't it? Your being foreclosed on: it's the banks/loan officers fault. Your marriage sucks: it's the spouses fault for not being good enough. You're not getting the promotion you “deserve”: it's the bosses fault for being a @#%^!!%%.

Right ….

Yes, there are things that aren't your fault and are making your life suck. For example BP and the oil spill, the financial troubles of many prominant countries across the globe (Sorry USA, you ain't the only ones and a few have it worse than you), and your company might be going through some budget cuts and you were cut .. not really your fault.

But lets take at look at YOU and things that are in your Circle Of Influence. What is a Circle Of Influence you ask? I'm glad you did!

This is anything or anyone you can influence and have some control over. So (usually) that includes you, your family, your work and your life condition and living conditions. One very important thing I would like you to understand here (which I'll get to later) is that living conditions isn't just about how perfectly white the paint is on your wall. It's about your state of mind and how comfortable you are with life.

Let's start with probably the second most ‘thing' you have influence one: your direct family (spouse, kids, siblings …). They are second, because you have the most direct control over yourself.

Let's go from a guys point of view, only because I'm a guy and it's one I can describe the best. So the wife doesn't wash the dishes, do the laundry and clean the floors are often as you'd like. Or she want you to wash the floors! Oh the horror!

You get angry because those are ‘women' things to do. So you get into fights and spouts over things like that. And eventually it leads to … well, lets just say it leads to not good things.

So it is her fault for ‘not being woman enough'? Or yours?

It's 99% your fault. A marriage is a cooperative function, not a solo spy mission. Plus, you have full control over yourself right? So why are you getting angry?

Why do you let things yourself become angry? Since it is only physically possible to anger yourself. All this says is that you cannot control yourself to well.

Instead of getting angry and lashing out, you can try some of these simple techniques which work in one form or another. Once you start feeling the anger bubble up:

  • Take a few deep breaths and calm down through breathing
  • Close your eyes during the deep slower breathing
  • Once you calm down, talk. Do not yell! Simply discuss with your partner your view and beliefs on the situation. You could learn a few things about your partner which you never knew before (I know I did).
  • If you really cannot control yourself and you know you will probably get really angry and start a confrontation: go outside and be alone for a minute. Chill your head.
  • Then go and CALMLY discuss the issues.

Everything you do is in your control. You get angry because you choose to become enraged. You choose to be depressed by a job loss or failure.

With your job, for example, if you got passed over for a promotion. Let's examine your life in the work force. Were you expecting a promotion or pay raise simply because you have been there for a certain period of time? For most promotions, you have to earn it.

You have to stand out, be exceptional and make yourself known. If you sit in your cubicle and expect to get a promotion for nothing … think again. It is your own fault for not doing all you could to be better or to get that promotion.

Now let's look at this from an internet marketing perspective. If you have a product up on the internet, you have your sales site and a opt-in page and you even get traffic … but no one signs up nor buys. Well, whose fault is that?

It certainly isn't the visitors fault!

Look at what YOU did (or didn't do) and adjust. Think of everything as a learning experience. Learn and grow from it. Maybe you made a product that just no one wants. Maybe your sales page was poorly written.

Whatever the case, you have to adjust your product and thus yourself accordingly and focus on success.

Take failure, and learn from it. Become the leader you are born to be. Even if it is only to lead yourself to victory.